When Xiang asks young people why they no longer date, he often hears the same response.
“Too tiring. The emotional cost is too high,” they tell him.
Many describe agonising over small interactions, he said, like how to order food without imposing preferences, how to protect personal space while respecting someone else’s.
“All these very small things become emotionally complicated,” Xiang said.
Increasingly, some opt out altogether. The Chinese term is ai wu neng – the incapability of love.
To Xiang, this reflects a deeper shift.
“Love sounds romantic but for most of human history, love was very practical,” he noted.
Previous generations married first and hoped affection would follow.
That arrangement is now unacceptable to the younger generations, who believe love must be cherished for its own sake – not as a byproduct of household logistics.
The paradox, Xiang said, is that “they find it very difficult to put affection or love into practice”.
ALONE BUT ALWAYS MOVING
High mobility compounds isolation.
Charlotte Cheng, 29, works in the pharmaceutical industry and has lived alone in several cities – from Austin in the United States to Qingdao and Xiamen in China – and now in Shanghai, where she knows few people.
She rents a one-bedroom apartment in Zhangjiang, part of the new and bustling Pudong district.
The place has become her sanctuary, Cheng said, somewhere she can decompress after a long day of social interaction. She also enjoys exploring new neighbourhoods and coffee shops.
But she knows solitude does not come easy to everyone. “Living alone requires a lot of ability to solve problems on your own,” Cheng told CNA.
For those who struggle with that, “it can be really hard”.
In Shanghai, people largely keep to themselves, Cheng said.
The people in this city also have a reputation for being cold, she added.
Boundaries between work and personal life are clearer than in smaller Chinese cities.
New arrivals, like fresh graduates, might struggle to find their footing, Cheng said.
Source: CNA
