TROUBLE FINDING “THE ONE”
Then there are those, like 39-year-old fashion designer Cuc Chi, who are at different stage of their life and want more than casual connection. Many of the men she meets online, however, are not looking to settle down.
Dating apps are making the search for a serious partner even harder, some experts argue.
“In the past, … (dating) was like going to a clothing store, and there were only two or three styles, so it was easy for you to choose,” Nam says.
“Now it’s like going to a supermarket, and there are thousands of options that would constantly change.”
Studies suggest that users can fall prey to what researchers call a “choice overload”, which often leaves them less than satisfied with the person they eventually choose.
Dating apps may streamline preferences but also lead to ghosting and rejection, says Pongrapee. “This can have a big mental impact because it means the choices they made aren’t reasonable or good. This leads to self-doubt and extreme mental fatigue.”
The problem for Chi, however, is not too many choices but too few. She acknowledges her high standards: Physical attractiveness gets her attention, but shared interests and a university education matter just as much.
“Everyone should have high standards. Then, when you meet, you can lower them gradually,” she says. “But you can’t have low standards as it’d be a bit difficult to raise them later.”
Rising expectations about dating have been linked to declining marriage rates. “When women have higher education and better jobs, they tend to choose men who are on the same level or even higher,” Nam states.
“In some cases, men may feel reluctant to marry women who surpass them in terms of status, career or income.”
In Thailand — where women outnumber men at university — nine in 10 single women will not date a man who is less educated than themselves, reported matchmaking company Bangkok Matching.
Seven in 10 single Thai women prefer partners who earn 100,000 baht (US$3,140) a month, according to the company’s dating statistics last year. The average monthly salary in Thailand was 15,565 baht in the first quarter this year.
Researchers, meanwhile, have found that each additional year of schooling reduces fertility for Thai women, and a university degree lowers their marriage prospects by nearly 15 per cent.
In Asia, this has become known as the Gold Miss phenomenon — a term coined in South Korea to describe highly educated, high-earning women, who either postpone or opt out of marriage.
The result is a mismatch between what men and women want, shaped by greater gender equality and personal autonomy for women.
Still, marriage is not off the table for Chi. But she would rather wait for Mr Right than compromise. It is a sentiment Pacharaporn shares, as she believes in choosing “the best for your life”.
Others, such as Dat, think people have been “defining happiness wrongly”. “People always define happiness as having a spouse, children and all that. But when those families fall apart, nobody says anything,” he says.
“Living a single life until old age doesn’t mean you’ll be unhappy. You can still find joy in many different things.”
Source: CNA
